A new Adopted fur kid....

Well, just a little over a week ago, on Friday the 13th of June, I had a change and a call to help come my way. You see I follow a few shelters and humane societies on Facebook. One of them is Multnomah County Animal Services up in Troutdale, Oregon. They posted a picture (this one in fact...)

What I saw when I looked at this picture was a very frightened little girl who abruptly lost her home due to the death of her guardian. And that she just wasn't thriving well at the shelter. They hadn't been able to find her a foster or adopter and were posting her in the hopes of one more chance to find one for her.

What I actually saw was a little soul who called to me, that she needed to be with me. So, me and my big sappy heart replied. I was the only one who replied and it went from there. I drove up and took her home the next day.

Now to note here, despite having so many furkids already, I actually have a very calm and well adjusted household, and my furry family all are a single unit. This could be an ideal environment for her to heal in.

Early the next day I set off to make the almost 2 hr trek up to Troutdale and the shelter along the Columbia River Gorge. I arrived at the shelter and she was in the back in an area that was not available to the public. She was pretty much closed off from the world. I had been warned she could be crabby and bite, and I knew she was declawed on the front feet. I didn't want to push things into her perceived space so I sat on the floor with her for the better part of 15 or so minutes, talking quietly and making eye contact without invading her space overly much. I do realize she perceived the cage though as if she were cornered, so I can fully understand her defensiveness. Despite that she gave me a few signs and hope that she was more than ready to be out of there and willing to be with me. However, by this point, there was no way I could even contemplate not adopting her. So I did required paperwork, talked with the adoption counselor to get a bit more history and they chipped her and we started home.

Maybe a mile down the road, she became talkative, and willing to sniff my fingers. About another 10 miles or so, she wanted to rub my fingers and have me rub her face and chin. This talk and rub system went on off and on over the 2hr drive home.

We arrived home and I set the carrier down and everyone came to check her out and say hello. I imagine that might have been a bit overwhelming.

So I took her into the laundry room to show her the litterbox and where to eat. She came out and wanted to be held for a minute. Then she went and hid under the china cabinet for most of the evening and night. It's ok, new space, new sounds, everything new to adjust to. So I just fed her supper under the cabinet. And off and on that evening I laid on the floor and just talked to her for a few minutes at a time.

By Tuesday, she was out exploring the house in the night and early morning and I caught this shot of her worriedly watching Miss Jeszabella racing about squeaking her toy like an idiot. she seemed genuinely perplexed by this silly drooler. I had to chuckle watching the play of emotions she displayed.

She still isn't quite sure about the puppy and her exuberance.

As she starts to heal from all  the trauma in her life and become settled in the house; it really is one step at a time. I don't push her, she talks to me and lets me know she wants a little attention. She only wants small times of attention as she's still very much aware of protecting her space. So, when she says enough by a growl, I stop and just tell her I love her and leave her be.

She is becoming more adventuresome and has two spots she likes to nap from or watch from. One is the kitty condo and the other is the box of lp records on the hearth. I get the feeling she likes to be a part of things from a watchful distance. As she's doing right now, peacefully resting with her front paws tucked under her keeping me company in the living room.

Today was a very good day for her and a big step forward for her. I am very proud of her. She has made a point to get down to go use the main litterbox in the laundry room several times today and bypass the little one here in the living room. Today she also for the first time seemed to pay attention to and enjoy watching the world outside through the living room picture window. She watched the neighbors for a good hour.

I am so happy to see her coming out of her shell bit by bit. Each little step seems like a giant leap for me. She'll soon learn no fear here and I am in hopes that one day soon she'll feel confident to come to me when she wants petting and ttouch.

You never know when or from where an animal will come who needs you. But you will always know it when it happens. I am grateful that she is part of my life now. And part of the collective furry family. She'll heal, it will take time, and I know these were big steps for her and help bolster her self confidence. She is also the tiniest member of the family, a very petite little old girl. I look forward to the day she feels comfortable enough and part of the family to play with the others, sleep with us at night, and walk through the house confidently.

I am also grateful to Multnomah Co Animal Services for caring enough to try to give her that second chance to have her forever home. And now my home is fuller and even more loving. :)

Reflections on the last year.....

Wow, it is hard to believe that it was one year ago today that I and my furry family set out for a new life and many changes. It has been quite the adventure, full of much happiness and sadness along the way.

We loaded up in my RV and left Santa Fe, New Mexico with no regrets, headed for a new life and looking forward to all the new things to experience and explore. The 7 members of myself and furbabies traveled in our small home for the next few months. I had decided on living in an RV until a house could be found and bought, figuring it would be less stressful on the fur kids and myself, and while it was a tiny living space for 5 months, it worked and we really were pretty happy in it.

We arrived almost 3 days later at our destination in Albany, Oregon at the KOA, this was to be our "home" for a bit. There was grass and trees, and so much green. Many birds and wildlife at the campground also. The dogs, Brody and Abby hadn't ever experienced grass or the ocean and sand before moving here. They loved it. Abby loved all the things happening at the campground and meeting new people. The dogs and kitties loved to watch from the RV all the birds and things going on.

My fur kids were my rocks and sanity keepers during those first couple of months. I dealt with many ups and downs and stressful situations along with learning a new job. I honestly don't think I would have held it all together if it hadn't been for them.

Then in June, as  you all know, I met with such a heartbreaking loss. I lost my rescuer, my heart-mate, Brody to cancer. We all loved him so much, and he was so much a part of us all. The grief was hard on us all. So, I decided to find another corgi to help us heal, Punkin needed a playmate, Abby missed her buddy, and I had a hole that needed some healing.

Well, I spent a good deal of time searching all over for another one to welcome into the family. And sadly, as much as I dearly wanted to adopt one who needed us as much as we needed him or her, there just wasn't one to be found at that time. So, I actually found a small breeder who raises corgis and bought a little girl who was born on July 5th. It wasn't an easy decision to buy one, knowing that I preferred to adopt.

Jeszabella came into our lives 7 weeks later. At that time we weren't due to move into the house until September. It was quite the adventure living with and learning with a very active puppy in a 27 foot RV. But she did bring much needed laughter and joy back into all our lives.

It didn't take long for Punkin to make her his new playmate and buddy. She has even brought out more of Abby's inner puppy and Abby plays a lot more than she used to. I have to wonder about what she thinks about these new things and all the changes since her first 7 yrs in a puppy mill.

In fact there is nothing more entertaining I've decided, than watching them all play tag wildly around the house. Jeszabella is just such a joyful little soul, quick to learn and loves everyone and everything she meets. Watching her experience snow and play with abandon brings about an inner happiness and reminders to live in the moment and live with joy. As the spring flowers come out and bloom, she loves to go smell the different flowers, check out all the insects and her latest thing is to eat the seed fluff off the dandelions. She loves to race around the yard, roll in the grass and encourages Abby to join her every chance she gets.

Yes, we are all a happy family again, and as this first year mark of the start of the journey, I remember my boy, our bond, and how excited I was for him to experience the lusher side of life out here. I am happy he got to do some of that, sad he didn't get to stay with me long enough to love his new home and have the grass to play in every day. I've struggled with missing him every day. But then I look at all the other souls who share their life and hearts with me, and I am truly lucky to share this adventure with them. I love them all dearly. And nothing brings more contentment and joy for me than watching them, interacting with them and loving them.

Like right now, as I write this on my laptop on the sofa, I have both dogs and my old man, Yummy, all snoring gently, together, and next to me. What a wonderful blessing and life. I am grateful I took the leap to make the change, to keep fighting forward to achieve where I am today, and for their lessons to live in the moment, love and be joyful.

My Promise To Them

The other morning was a rough one. It was one of those mornings when I woke up I was missing Brody very much and had been feeling discouraged about my house hunt. 

I thought about it for awhile and processed my feelings on missing him, but grateful that I have the others and a new little soul to join our family soon. It helped and by the time I left for work, I was in better spirits and knowing in my heart the promises I needed to put down for myself to the fur kids who choose to share their lives and hearts with mine. 

So, here goes.....  I promise to always care for you all to the fullest I can possibly do and then some. I promise to listen to you, and love you with all my heart. I understand that you chose to be with me for the long haul. I will never leave you and will always stay with you. I have learned that you all are my insipration and teachers also. You already fill my life with joy and happiness, and I will endeavor to make sure yours is full of love and happiness. I realize that some days I may be frustrated at things beyond my control, but I will never take that frustration out on you nor give you cause to be frightened of me intentionally. I promise to never strike you and do my best to speak to you with my heart, eyes and a calmer voice. 

And when the time comes that you may need me to help you pass with dignity and no pain or fear, know that though it breaks my heart to let you go, I will do that ultimate act of compassion for you. 

You all are my heart mates and you all fill me with a zest for life and a lot of joy and love. I promise to do my very best to love you completely and keep you with me as long as you desire. 

You chose me for your own reasons, and I am very blessed and humbled by this. I pray daily that we all get to spend many more wonderful years together and have many adventures in fun. 

And yes Abby, you have a baby sister coming soon to play with you and help you fill that void with the loss of your buddy. And yes sweetheart, I have seen your desire to be close to and interact with the other dogs that come through the campground and you are so happy to play with the big Lab in the trailer next to us. So, yes, I know you miss your bud and want another friend. Be patient my love, shes coming..... And while we wait for her Abby, we will enjoy our nightly girly pillow talk together. And you too Punkin, you'll have a new tag playmate to play with when she gets here. Then maybe, just maybe dear Punkin you will let me sleep longer! 

Changes In Hearts and Deeper Bonds

It's the little things I think that you notice more with yourself and your other fur babies as you progress through the grieving process. It makes tighter bonds between us all. 

We all are missing him. you don't always realize what amazing things they bring to your life until they leave us. 

As a little family here still in the RV, we have grown closer and changes have slowly been happening in our desires to be closer. 

I think perhaps the most profound small change I have seen and been so blessed to experience is with Abby. See, Abby loves everyone, she loves attention, loves to be talked to, played with and interacting with everyone she meets with a smile. But she has never been comfortable being held or cuddled. She gets very anxious being cuddled or having her feet touched. But over the last week, this is changing. she is learning to snuggle up with me in bed now at night a few times. She is learning to snuggle as Brody would snuggle with me. Up against my chest, under my chin sharing my pillow. While this has been bittersweet for me, it has also been comforting I think to us both. It isn't for the whole night, but for short time periods, maybe an hour or more. It is happening more often now. 

This has brought us much closer and we communicate on a whole other level now. Much is said through our eyes, no words needed. The loss of a very bright spot in our lives is also helping Abby trust more now and find new comforts and experiences. Perhaps this is a step in her healing from the horrible life she had her first 7 years. 

It's a small change, but its growth and it is a very profound change for her. I am so proud of her, and her journey of healing inside. I just love her to pieces, and pray all the time that she and I will have many more years together. There is not anything I would not do for my companions. They give me so very much. 

Even the cats are closer to me and Abby, it is quite the furry pile in bed at nights. And I feel in my heart that the new puppy that will enter our lives in a few weeks will help us all smile more and laugh a lot. Abby kinda needs a new kid to worry over and mother and a companion for her during the days while I work. Overall, in my heart I know the little soul has chosen us to share life and lessons with. So I am looking forward to her arrival. Hoping though that I will either be in my new home or be in one very shortly. 

This has been quite the journey, not one I would ever willingly take again, but it has opened so many new things, healing, love, bonding and hope.

Reflecting......

This has been a tough time, and getting ones feelings down on paper as it were is not easy. Although writing is cathartic and helps you deal with the emotions and grief.

Yesterday I finally received Brody's ashes. This is not an easy thing to really deal with, but the thought in my mind and heart was that he would finally be home again with me.

Let me digress a little about things and him. As in my heart he was a very special dog in my life and an amzing little soul.

This little dog started life in a puppy mill. A mill is an absolutely horrific way to start a life. And in my thinking, no soul should have to live in a cage you can barely turn around in or live in cleanly. He had no chance to be a happy playful pup as he should have been, no chance to experience love or the wonder of life. That came after he was two and rescued by the amazing folks with National Mill Dog Rescue.

When I met him, he was terrified of just about everything. People, the wind, banging noises, you name it. Although i knew in my heart he was to be my heart mate before i even met him in person, just by seeing his picture online. I think I was probably the happiest person and so excited when they approved my application and I was able to drive to Colorado to meet him and bring him home. When I did finally meet him, that feeling that he was meant to be a part of my heart was firmly cemented. As I loved on him I promised him that day I would never hurt or harm him, always care for him and keep him by my side always. And I did.

I knew it would be a long road to healing his fears and his heart, help him trust and be a happy dog. Although he made great strides in the short time he was a part of me.

You see, as time moved forward, I came to realize that he rescued me and healed my heart as much as I helped him. He and Abby were my daily inspiration to love fully, be kind and happy despite all odds. As I watched him learn to play, scare himself silly the first time he barked, to being such a happy sunny and active boy, I too grew in many ways. As our bond grew more, there was nothing more contenting to know that he was most content within himself when being next to me no matter what I was doing. He even had to be there when I was painting the house or rooms, always getting paint in his fur, or watching me as I cooked or baked, laying next to me as I watched TV or crocheted, and he loved sleeping with me and cuddling close at night. Both dogs have brought so much peace and contentment to my life.

I think one of my favorite memories is watching him learn to go up and down the stairs then joyfully racing up them when playing chase with the kittens. The kittens absolutely loved this game and quite often initiated it. Starting with him chasing them, then they chased him, and they all had the best time. The three of them became very bonded and the best of friends. He was also the only dog that Jasmine accepted and loved in her own way. The night I brought him home, both she and Yummy went straight up to him and sniffed, then rubbed on him then washed his face. Much to his consternation and wonder at who and what they were. It was quite the thing to witness and experience.

From living in a cage the first two years of his life to learning to wag is stumpy little tail, learning to play, talk, experince the grass and ocean, and learning about love. This little man amazed me and cemented himself into my heart with his capacity to love in return.

It has been quite the journey learning with them and trying to experience life as they have new experiences and they joy in discovering them. I truly feel that it has made me a better person, and taught me to be more kind in my every day life.

There are so many memories of little things that live large in me that I know I won't get them all written down. But I do know this, sharing your heart and life with a soul, no matter the species, if you are open enough and willing, will change your life and make it all the more amazing.

I do have to say, that I cannot imagine my life ahead without the Corgi breed in it. The natural disposition and hugeness of their hearts is something I always want in my life. They will go out of their way to make you smile and be happy. Neither Abby nor Brody could stand to see me unhappy in any way, and it wasn't long before they would have me smiling and happy again, no matter what. I have simply been amazed with their resliency and capacity for love and life.

I know there will be another before long to help fill our void and loss. I think perhaps it has been hardest on me watching his companions grieve for him and miss him so very much. He was a vital part of our family. I feel that a Pup would help them heal and fill that void. So we are searching for that one who will need us and choose us to share their heart and soul with.

Please if you truly love animals, and want one in your life, be prepared to give them the best and know that you take that responsibility of their care for their life. They are not to be ignored, discarded because its inconvienent, or just a decoration of status. They are a life, a living and breathing soul with heart and feelings much like us. they do rely on us to ensure they are well cared for, fed and happy and most of all loved. It is so worth it in the end for all they give back to us and teach us. I have learned more about forgiveness, happiness, living in the moment and most of all love and compassion with them all than I could have ever experienced or learned on my own.

In short, he will always hold a very special place in my heart and soul, and I miss him terribly, but I know there is another soul out there waiting to share his or her life with me and perhaps needs me. It seems it has always been this way, and always will be. And despite the fact that quite often there is heartbreaks that will come, the beautiful things learned and shared are so very, very worth it. Knowing you were needed and loved by them makes it worth it.

Life, love and death

These are my kids, they chose me to share their lives and love with. And they do it well. There is not anything I would not do for them. Including fighting for their life and pushing for good vet care.

Such was the case over the past several weeks when Brody became ill. I took him to one vet who did not really listen to me when I brought up all his symptoms. Though he ran bloodwork and urine tests, all he could do was put us on antibiotics because he thought he had a slight rise in temp. That was on a Saturday. By Monday night I knew he was worse, not eating, and a bit dehydrated and having mild seizures. Off to the emergency vet! They ran bloodwork again with the same results, everything looks normal. Took an X-ray and due to a distended and full stomach and empty bowel it was decided that perhaps there was a blockage the X-ray did not show, so he had surgery. Found nothing but food. Sent us home the next day with more pills and to try to get some food into him. That Thursday, he ate on his own and an hour later had a small seizure. So we went back to vet number one on Friday, which happened to be a good day for my boy. He did Good Friday and most of Saturday, but still no solutions or answers from the vet, despite my pushing. He didnt like an informed pet owner. By the
next Tuesday it was decided to put him on phenobarbital.
Wednesday he did ok and finally ate on his own, but was losing coordination and Wednesday night had a grand mal an hour after his dose. Another round with the emergency vet, no answers, only the suggestion that I take him to the university animal hospital on the campus where I work. We did that following afternoon after trying to discuss with vet number one about it all. He basically just said keep giving him the pheno and take him to a specialist.
Thank god the vet at the university clinic listened to me. They admitted him and scheduled an MRI for the next morning. I loved and cried on my boy but felt some hope that some one was willing to listen and help me find answers.
The next day I got the most heartbreaking answers ever. The one I feared the most. It was a tumor and there was no good prognosis. And it was going to be risky to bring him out from the anesthesia as the likelihood of a cluster or never ending grand mal seizure was too great. I had to let him go without being there or helping him transition.
Absolutely the hardest decision of my life. And the most hurtful. You see I absolutely love these little dogs with all my heart. I wouldn't quit fighting for them. They both had such a crappy start to life, they deserved the best. And they both bring me so much joy and happiness, and the ability to deal with anything I can. They've been my inspiration of forgiveness, absolute love, wonder of the world and new experiences, and compassion. I am grateful I still have Abby to help us both grieve and heal.

I cannot forget my happy cuddly boy. He was special. And cancer is a horrific disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I know I did the right thing and gave him the absolute gift of compassion, but it doesn't make the loss any easier. Even the cats who loved him dearly have grieved.

Don't ever stop fighting for your kids, be they two or four legged. They depend on us to care for and love them. I am glad I fought for him, he was worth every moment and penny. And so is Abby and all the kitties.

Animals love us unconditionally and teach us so much. You wouldn't just take pills for an answer for your children when you know there is something much more wrong, so don't do it for your fur kids either.

Love them as much as you can every day, cherish the moments you have with them

Furry kids and birds and things

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted about the kids and adjusting to change. We've begun to settle into some sort of a routine these days. We are still living in the RV and the fur kids seem comfy here despite the size restrictions.

The kitties still love the new "kitty TV" channels here. They watch the birds come up to the RV and rabbits run all over. Of course the daily games of chase with the dogs is most interesting. And rocks the RV everytime! Punkin is what you'd call a tree kitty, he likes to be up higher and jump from place to place. I think he's a monkey. But the dogs don't mind and chase as they can quite merrily.

Punkin is back to his smarty pants hijincks. Sleeping in is almost impossible on the weekends. He's way too smart for his own good! He's figured out how to turn on the radio on the alarm clock, turn on the TV, and be a pill when he wants me up. Then decides he needs to be lovey when I've growled at him. I'm never sure what mess I will come home to. Goodness! I hope I find a house soon!

Abby looks forward to laying in the grass, talking to all the other dogs that come through the campground, and bedtime. They both get very playful at bedtime, so we spend 5 to 10 minutes playing in the bed and rolling around kicking their legs and rooting around. Then we all settle in to bed for the night. They've become quite the cuddlers at night and both have to sleep with their heads on the pillows. Endearing lil' kids. Brody has taken up snuggling under my chin with my arm over him. Then the cats all pile on top if us. Yummy takes up residence on my pillow using my head as his pillow. I never get cold at night. Though I have. To say getting out of bed in a hurry can be quite the Chinese fire drill.

But overall life is settling into routine. They love to see all the birds and life here. They even like the rain. Hopefully I'll find us a home soon so the dogs have a yard to run around in and bigger tv screens for the kitties.