Pages

Saturday, September 5, 2009

iDignity sold separately. The things we do to our pets....

Let me start off with this pic of this adorable pug picture, I think it sums up a lot about what people will do to their pets for fun or they think perhaps the pet will enjoy this.

iDignity

Poor pup.... but we do it all the time to our furkids. Here's some more sites that are totally demented:

www.yogakitty.com     yoga kitty

They claim the Purr-fect yoga for you and your cat. I mean come on! Who can be serious with a cat on your head?

Or how about www.stuffonmycat.com ? Pictures of people putting the strangest things on their beloved cats, and I think there is a site for stuff on my dog too.  Or what about just pictures of kitties with a Hitler style moustache? Don't believe me? Check it out at www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com

spider pug

And we wonder why our pets bite us, or find ways to wreak havoc when you aren't at home for revenge. Ah yes, the pictures of a kitty getting a bath.  And people think the poor traumatized kitty is funny when wet. Hello! There is a reason cats hate water, they can bathe themselves folks! Yeah, then you forget they have front feet full of switchblades, that they know how to use quite effectively. And you wonder why the dog shreds anything it can find when you leave the house.

Oh yes, our pets are very, very intelligent and very creative in their ways to seek revenge on us for besmirching their dignity.

And mine don't need any prompting to wreak havoc, they just have to be pissed at us for anything or any imagined affront. I can come home to any number of exciting things. The dogs are probably the most creative in their revenge. From shredded paper or tissues, to jumping from the couch to the coffee table to push everything on top onto the floor while another pees on the items. Or Lil'Shit when he was younger, he never liked being left behind, and worse not having a window to watch out of for my return. Once upon a time I brought him up with me when we came to visit my folks. My mom had a big long window at the front of the house with miniblinds, metal miniblinds mind you. The sill to this window was 2 maybe 2.5 feet from the floor. We all were going to go out to supper, she closed and dropped the blinds, I told her not to do that, that my dog would tear through them to be able to watch for me to come back. Sad thing is, she thought I was lying. Nope, I was speaking from experience. Sure enough we came back and he was on the sill watching for us, and you could see the big chewed through hole in the blinds where he had eaten his way through the blinds so he could sit on the sill to watch for me. Now, mind you he's a chihuahua, not a big dog at all. Mom was so taken by surprise she started laughing. She replaced the damaged slats, but left a couple to remind her of his tenacity.

Cats, oh cats, are just plain sneaky and spiteful in their revenge, they don't stop at one thing, they have a list planned out for revenge for a slight. From peeing on you or something you hold dear, to sharpening their claws on your leg, to pushing something breakable off from a high spot, and the list goes on.

Anyhow, while we find these things humorous and yes we do because we love our pets and the silly things they can do on their own brings us much laughter and joy, there are some things perhaps  we shouldn't do to them or put on them.

One last thing I want to share, and this sadly is true of some of our cats, so heed these words of wisdom. And if this one doesn't outright have you laughing so hard you pee your pants, then you need your funny bone replaced.

How to give your cat a pill:

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.  Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
* Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
* Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
* Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.  Force jaws open and push
pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
* Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.  Call spouse from garden.
* Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
* Retrieve cat from curtain rail.  Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
* Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit.  Put pill in drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
* Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.  Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
* Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.  Get another pill.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
* Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges.  Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
* Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.
* Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.  Force cat's mouth open with small spanner.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.  Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
* Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
* Arrange for vet to make a house call

0 comments:

Post a Comment