There have always been cats in my life even from the time I was born, my parents had a cat or two. Currently I have just two of my kitties left with me, the others having passed on over the years. The most I've had in my house at one time is 6. I have cherished each and every little furry soul that has shared their lives with me, and I've always had at least one as my soul mate. One who was bonded very close to me. I've always considered myself a cat person.
(Djinn)
I've found that people who truly understand cats and have a true bond with them are probably the most creative and forgive the easiest. This is not to say that dog people don't know how to forgive or aren't creative, but cats are definitely draw to very creative people. I have found this to be true for me as any time I am working creatively either on the loom, or drawing, or such, they are all always there, curled up around me and on or around my work. People who don't understand this bond or don't understand cats are usually uncomfortable around them. It's sad really. Cats are survivors, they are hunters with amazing stealth, grace and speed, they are lovers, they are healers, they can be unselfish, and they are comfort providers. They also give without asking for much and don't require as much from us for their care usually as dogs do. They can be self-sufficient when the need arises. I have also learned about true compassion from the cats in my life. They have taught me a lot over the years.
Back in early October, one of my two remaining boys, Djinn (my kitty soul mate at this time), came down ill with what seemed an upper respiratory infection. In fact upon taking him to the vet, this was the initial diagnosis. He also had what seemed to be an infection in the mouth, which is not unusual with a upper respiratory infection. But we opted to wait till he got over the sinus infection before taking care of teeth because he was so sick. We were loaded up on two very strong antibiotics and some nasal drops. None of these gave much relief or seemed to help any. So we tried a second course of antibiotics of a different type, they seemed to help a bit more but not much. Again, I consulted with another vet in the clinic and took him in. Because he really hadn't had much improvement the vet suspected a tumor or cancer in the sinuses, Djinn felt comfortable with this vet, and purred for him throughout it all. So we were to return in about 3 days to have the vet take x-rays, flush the sinuses and take care of the teeth in case there was just an abscess in the teeth that could be causing things.
Well, the diagnosis was cancer, nasal lymphoma to be exact. I was devastated and heartbroken. The vet said it really wasn't operable, and chemo is very hard on cats and we certainly could not afford chemo with an out of town vet. So his next suggestion was steroids to help shrink the tumor and perhaps give him more time which could be anywhere from a month to 2 yrs at the longest. He was also put back on antibiotics to counter secondary infections after the teeth had been extracted. This all happened Thanksgiving week.
We were determined to give him whatever he wanted and however much he wanted to eat as he needed to put weight back on. I also spent as much time with him, loving him and giving him healing as I could.
Thanksgiving day I was pretty much preoccupied getting my house and food ready for the afternoon as family was coming for supper. It wasn't until my husband was out running errands and I went upstairs to clean up for the afternoon that while I was getting ready for my shower I noticed that Djinn had run up the stairs after me and that for the first time he wasn't wheezing or struggling to get a breath. I was so shocked I literally fell onto the bench at the end of our bed and sat there crying with thanks. He of course looked at me like I had lost it. But I was so thankful as it meant the steroids were shrinking the tumor and this would give us more time together. He even came downstairs not long after my family arrived to greet my father, (usually he avoids lots of people and the two nephews because they are too active for him). My dad was so touched by his gesture. It was the best Thanksgiving gift I could have ever hoped for.
Over the next month I watched him get more active and put on weight and play. I really was so thankful. However, I guess it was not to last, two days before Christmas I discovered a double lump in the lymph gland under his right jaw. My heart fell to my feet. My intuition told me that he wasn't to be with me a whole lot longer. Monday after Christmas he started wheezing and having trouble breathing again. I knew the tumor had grown again and was metastasizing into the lymph system, and things were happening rapidly. I talked to the vet this week about this, and he agreed with my assessment of what was happening. For now we agreed to up his dosage of steroids to afford him a bit more time, but it's still a waiting game, we know we'll have to make that very hard decision to give him the ultimate act of compassion when he says it's time or when his quality of life is no longer there.
I am very heartsick, and am scared at the same time. You see, I have always, always had a animal soul mate, cat or dog, usually male, in my life, and usually when one passes on, there has been another already here to take up the reins of being my companion and protector of my soul. What scares me is that there is not another furry kid waiting in the wings to share life with me. While I have another cat, and two little female dogs left here, they are all pretty much bonded with my husband. Yummy, the cat, he loves us both, but he owns my husband. Djinn knows he hasn't got much time left with me, and he knows my heart is breaking, I guess he's known for some time now. Since the tumor has grown back he's pretty much inseparable from me, he follows me everywhere and sleeps on my pillow every night. He craves the healing and tTouch as they help him some to breathe easier, but he can't put his head down fully to sleep because the sinuses block up. He will put his chin on my hand to sleep as he can so his head is raised a touch.
Throughout all this, he has been quick to love, to purr and to cuddle. He's always purred and even if he's struggling to breathe, the minute you love on him, or direct energy, he purrs. He also throughout his life has communicated to me with his eyes. He loves to look us in the eyes and you really can see the communication of love from him. I think this is why my father was so drawn to him when he adopted him from the Animal Shelter for me over 13 yrs ago. This is one example of what I mean about how unselfish and selfless they can be. Despite his being gravely ill, he continues to give love and comfort to those he cares for.
So, for now I will continue to spoil him rotten, wipe his little nose, feed him whatever or whenever he wants, cuddle him, and give him all the love and healing I can. I will cherish the time I have with him. And learn the lessons he and life are handing me. And I will know that the next one will step in when it is the right time.
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