A few observations on the laws of pet ownership...

I thought perhaps I would do something on the laws of physics and how they apply to my pets anyway.

We've all heard "An object at rest tends to stay at rest", well that doesn't quite apply to pets now does it?



Here's my take on things:

1. A cat in full sleep mode attains a semi-liquid condition and cannot be picked up easily.

2. Waking a dog suddenly from full sleep mode tends to get the offender bitten.

3. If your book, magazine, paper, etc is open either on a lap or flat surface, this is an absolute invitation to your cat to occupy said space for maximum attention.

4. If you have more than 2 pets in a house, expect to find fur in your food and drink.

5. When you are in a hurry to be dressed to leave for something important will be the time the cat hacks up a furball into your shoes, or the dog to develop diarrhea on the carpet.

6. Forget being able to wear all black again, it doesn't matter the type of fabric, it is an absolute magnet for all possible light colored fur in the home.

7. Cat's tails will always find a way to be where you are just setting your foot down when you are never ever fully awake. You will be soon though!

8. Cats really do expand to fill a space! A kingsize bed is a necessity for the pets not a luxury.

9. Pets will seek out the warmest locations in cold weather, this means under the covers snuggled up to you until you try to roll over then you get the switchblade effect.

10. Trying to be considerate of your sleeping spouse and quietly creeping in to bed is a sure way to get bitten by the dog who thinks you're the bogeyman after his mamma.

11. Your having a tummyache is a sure invitation to the heaviest cat in the house  to come make you feel better by standing with all his weight on two feet or actively kneading your tummy.

12. Intimacy is an invitation for the pets to give you the "Oh Yuck" digusted look and stare at you.

13.  If you are looking for something important, and in a hurry, this is probably the signal that it's been chewed up by one of the dogs or been drug off an hidden by a cat as a toy for later.

14. Don't leave sparkly items out, like jewelry, the result is the same at #13.

15. Sneaking downstairs for a midnight snack is a sure signal that the dogs are to bark at you instead of barking at the person sneaking through your backyard.

16. You glass with ice water in it is much tastier when the paw is dipped in and licked off. This ensures that it is no longer the Hooman's water.

17. Never wear too much cologne, you will surely be watered down (peed on) by the dog before you can leave for your date, thereby ensuring you change clothes at least once to reduce the aromas.

18. Going to bed too early because you're exhausted is a mistake, it will ensure that the dogs feel you didn't spend enough time with them and they will howl and sing for the next 10 to 20 minutes.

19. Trying to be considerate of others still sleeping and not turning on lights ensures you will trip over a cat, especially if it's anywhere near the stairs.

20. If it's lit up and sparkly it must be the Christmas Tree and therefore requires climbing and playing with all the sparklies!

21. If the plate has food that has melted cheese or roasted meat on it, if you get up from the table to get something it will certainly be gone before you get back.



22. If it's a bag, or box and it's empty, it's now the cat's playhouse and ankles and toes are fair game.

23. No matter how frustrating they can be at times, they still give you unconditional love.

I am sure I have missed some in here some where, but these are what I can remember or come up with, have anything to add?