Ramblings and new kitten progressions....

Ok, I believe I am about totally resigned to the fact that my house may not survive kittenhood. And perhaps the best word I can create to describe her is that she has "Sassitude". Great word huh? Oh yeah, she has it too.

Once she got run of the house, she discovered what fun the houseplants were. They fast became her jungle, from where she could stalk unsuspecting victims from. And! She could dig and make mom crazy by getting dirt all over the floor! And before you can say it, no, she didn't use them for the litterbox, they are just playgrounds. And she was fast killing some of them much to my dismay. I would move them, set them back upright, you name it, and she'd figure out how to get back into them.

Finally in a state of desperation (I love my plants), I did a bit of research online and chose what seemed a simple and at least aesthetic solution. I got rocks, lovely round and polished type river rocks. I even finally repotted a couple that have been needing to be repotted for awhile now and installed rocks around all those that I could.

When I put the first plant back on it's rolling stand (great for large heavier pots), she immediately thought I'd put it back for her entertainment. I stood back and watched as she immediately jumped into the pot and found much to her dismay, no more soft earthy soil to play in, just this hard cold lumpy stuff. The look I got was humorous, "What the hell is this? And why is it in my play area?" It didn't take long and she got out and sulked. The plants now might survive kittenhood.

Now, I have to say we have also found her to be extremely intelligent and curious about everything. She pretty much follows me everywhere and watches all I do. This includes all things concerning the toilet. She is fascinated with the flushing process and where stuff goes. I can literally see her making the connections for things needing flushing. And lately I have been finding "things" in the toilet downstairs in the mornings. One morning it was one of her play mice, therefore it did not get flushed, and hubby and I have found dead leaves or paper in the bowl numerous times now. I am just waiting for her to figure out the flush mechanism or potty train herself. I wouldn't put it past her.

And the other thing for some reason is the lower bathroom sink drain plug, quite often I find it in the middle of the living room floor in the morning. Haven't figured out why though.

So far we've found that there isn't anything she cannot figure out if she wants it bad enough. And now that she's at the "teenage" long and lean stage, she has figured out her jumping capacity is much more than a couple months ago. Kitchen counters aren't way up there anymore, and the other counter is an excellent place to watch mom prepare interesting tasting food.

She has a chair at the table she has learned to sit at and watch us eat supper most evenings. However, recently when we had company visiting, obviously the smell of the cheeses on one evening's supper were too much for her and she just quick as you please jumped up into our guest's lap and started to help herself to the cheese on his plate. Much to everyone's shock and laughter.

When she's busy cuddling me though she always wants to know what I'm drinking, good thing she only, once in a great while, wants a sip of my water. She doesn't like the coffee, just likes to sniff it, and doesn't like my coconut milk. But I can say she loves cream cheese and mascarpone frosting! You might get shredded trying to keep it away from her.

For all her funny intelligent quirks she has, she's very loving, and has her sassy attitude. Scold her and the attitude takes over, she gets revenge. I come home to her happy to greet me then runs over by the dogs' area and flops out in the sunshine taunting them and doing her best to get my attention before they get some. She also loves to tease the dogs, then gets pissy when they get fed up. And finally someone who torments Yummy as much as he did the other cats when he was young. She's relentless. And he actually is very tolerant, but when he does have enough, watch out! He'll be just as relentless in getting back and pinning her down till she squeals. When he's fully engaged in the game it can sound like a heard of rhinos upstairs.

And for all her wonderful energy, I love how she's such a lazy bug in bed. Getting her to wake and move off of me can take 5 minutes or more. The more you try to move her, the more semi-liquid she becomes and seems to ooze out of your hands to take up more space than she did before you started this endeavor of rising. Most times it is easiest to gently roll her off with the covers.

Gee, can you tell she has us firmly wrapped around her little paws? Yes, it's true. All she has to do is cuddle, purr, and look at me with those eyes, and I immediately become a puddle of goo. And the fact that she's quickly learned to modulate her purr vibration to resonate in my heart, makes the transition all that much sooner. And when she chooses to cuddle, it is always in my arms over my heart, and head and face rubbing my face. Yes, I really love my little girl and yes, she's spoiled. And yes, I do catch my wonderful husband watching her and smiling. I am glad for the smiles and laughter she's brought with her.

A few rants and gripes.....

Now, before I start on my little tirade here, I just want everyone to know that this is just how I feel about some things and how I've perceived them. Doesn't make them right, or less painful, it's how I feel....

First, I like to do what I can within my limits to help animals or pet owners. And I give where I can or help homeless pets find homes when I can or when I feel strongly that maybe that pet is destined to be in a particular place. So I follow quite a few non-profit animal rescue organizations, shelters, and pet adoption agencies on Facebook. One group I like to follow, because I really admire the guys and what they do and stand for. I actually very much admire anyone who goes out to help shelter, rescue and take care of animals needing the care and love. Believe me if I could, or had the means I would be helping as many as I could.

However, daily I watch so many other "fans" who will post these "Must save now" or "on Death Row, please save" links with pictures of animals in shelters to these guys' pages. And each and every person who posts these things seems to expect these celebrities to rescue each and every animal in each and every shelter. Sorry, it gets my goat (no pun intended). If that person is so concerned about the care or welfare of the animals, then find a way to help them on their own. And the harsh truth is that there simply is not enough homes out there for every animal needing a home, not safe and caring homes that is. And we cannot save every soul, and this thought simply breaks my heart.

One of the best things we can do to slow this trend and help animals is to help educate others, keep abreast of when your local shelters are having spay and neuter clinics and spread the word. Help dispel the myths about why it's wrong to spay or neuter. Help educate owners to see why it is in the best interest of the animals that they do alter their animals and not allow them to breed indiscriminately. Don't buy puppies and kittens, because for each animal you buy, you are ensuring another animal somewhere goes homeless or is euthanized.

And as far as purebreds being superior, that too is a myth, it's what is inside any given animal, their soul, their intelligence that counts, not that "Oh I have a dog that cost me 2 thousand dollars and he is so blue blooded..." That is just a status symbol, sorry, but it is, it's like saying a Lamborghini is superior to a Volkswagen, or Chevy, you know what it isn't. People think because it costs more it's got to be far superior to anything else. A mutt is just as valuable and is most likely to be just as loyal as the purbred.

Do remember though that through selective inbreeding and such, many purebreds are not the same healthy and happy dogs that they were 20 yrs ago even. So many have horrible genetic problems it truly is heartbreaking. So by propagating animal breeding by buying is propagating true suffering and illness and premature death on these animals.

Now please understand here I am mostly referring to dogs and cats which are probably the largest population of animals needing rescue or care.

So back to my original rant, I am not sure why these guys don't ask these people to please stop doing this and making all of us feel helpless and sad that we cannot rescue two or three dogs 3,000 miles away when we have so many right here in our own backyards that need our compassion and help. We simply cannot save each and every one of them. And now instead of being sad about them all, they've made me angry that they are playing on people's emotions and such. Because quite often these posts will have a "scheduled for euthanasia" date that was 2 or 3 days prior to the posting, so if those dates and such are true and correct then we are all to late anyway. Which in turn makes me angrier.

My second smaller rant or button pusher is those who tend to be very militant, and in your face types about any animal of any species that is allowed to breed or be bred, including horses, goats, etc. And they can get very very hurtful and mean in their approaches to the owners of those animals. Sorry, while indiscriminate breeding must stop, I also realize the mentality of livestock breeders and how that works (outside of Premarin Mares). And being militant or abusive is only going to alienate people and make them more determined to keep on doing what they are doing.

Personally sometimes it is better to discuss it with an open mind to hear why they may not wish to change, and be prepared to back up your reasoning why it's in the best interest of the animal and progeny to change their thinking and approach. But do so with care and compassion, not pushy and rude and mean.

I apologize if I have angered anyone, but this is how I feel about these issues. And sometimes I simply have to let it out and have my say of what I see or perceive. My husband is always telling me it's how you're perceived, which I take to be the whole package, the choice of words, the body language, etc.

Thank you...... and remember this poster before you buy a pet, and always vow to adopt first.

The bond between cats and humans?

Seems that the news lately must be pushing for newsworthy articles. I was reading an article on a study report about Cats preference in bonding with women over men.

However, as any of us feline owners and lovers know, cats will choose who they wish to bond with, and they aren't discriminatory. Men can have just as deep a bond with a cat as women can. I do know for me though that most of my soul bonds with animals has been mostly with cats, and one dog.

Maybe it's our personality traits or thinking patterns that tend to bond us closer to our cats. All I know is if that bond is ever broken, it is excruciatingly painful for quite awhile.

The study noted that the bond between a feline and their human is much more intense than they ever thought it would be. Hmmmmm, seems to me we could have told them that. The study felt that part of this bond is due to food often being used as tokens of affection, and the ways that cats and humans relate to food are similar in nature to the interactions seen between the human caregiver and their infant. Maybe so, maybe not, I'm a bit ambiguous about this idea. I did agree with the fact that cats and their human companions do influence each other. We really do.

I have long felt overall that cats really are our best friends. Many was the time that if I was very sick, it was my cats who stayed with me through it all, got up when I ran for the bathroom and accompanied me. The dog never did. I don't disagree that dogs aren't loyal, there truly are some exceptional dogs out there, just for me, the cats have been the ones there always. I think cats are the healers of the soul and they heal you with their vibrations and energy at a much deeper level than you might think. There is something about the purr of kitties that brings healing, contentment and a profound peace inside. In that respect, dogs are not quite there. They tend to love you and lend you their energy with quiet stoicism.

Actually I didn't intend this particular entry to show between dogs and cats that one is better than the other, I merely wished to point out the points of our bonds with cats, and that they are very intense when established.

I do know that when my bond with all my soul mates of past has ever had to be broken through death, it really has been a profound grief and absolutely heartbreaking. It has been almost a month since the bond breaking with Djinn now, and I still grieve deeply. The thing I've noticed with Jasmine is that she automatically seems to sense or know when I am grieving and is very quick to put herself in my arms and snuggle over my heart and purr. I know it's her way of trying to help me heal, and to give me healing. She chirrups, purrs and rubs on me as much as she can to bring a smile instead of tears. Yes her bond to me has happened fast and furiously. And it's already very intense. It's been quite an experience.

I could never be without a cat in my life, they have taught me so very much and given me more than I could ever hope to share or repay. And the same for a dog, I'll have another one day, who is special and will bond with me.

Anyhow, I'd love to hear your attachments with your cats, how do they affect your life? What are the bonds like?

Pet Mutilation or Not?

And the debate rages on about whether or not it is cruel and wrong to declaw your cat, debark your dog, crop ears or dock tails.

According to a poll from MSNBC today, nearly 60 percent of American pet owners, this includes 55 percent of cat owners, claim it is OK to have a cat declawed, but only 8 percent of those approve of having a dog's vocal cords removed. Experts say though that both procedures are painful and alter how the animal walks or communicates.

Any way you care to look at it, declawing, ear cropping, and tail docking is amputation. Creation did not mean for them to be minus these parts.

In the case of declawing, imagine having every single one of your fingers removed from the last joint to the tip, that is what  you are doing when you declaw your kitty. It is painful, and every kitty I have known whose owner barbarically decided to remove his toes has been very touchy about their feet, and it changes how they use their feet completely. And should your kitty get outside, you may have signed his death warrant, for kitty is now defenseless against other animals.

Docking tails, sad really, as that has usually been a vanity or appearance issue. Dog use their tails to communicate with you and other animals.  It is painful, and usually done when they are just under a year of age. There is no real good reason I can see anymore to dock the tails. I understood sometime in the past for some forms of working dogs it was primarily a safety issue, but that isn't always so anymore, we don't run the same equipment or procedures we once did. Same goes for ear cropping. Personally I prefer floppy ears that you can stroke and massage, and most dogs love having their ears paid attention to. And when you remove most of that body part, you also remove most of the acupuncture or critical pressure points that can enable health and well being for your dog. Stroking the full ear keeps those points stimulated and in turn keep the systems stimulated and functioning properly.

Debarking or removing the vocal cords on your dog, that is in my estimation a sad issue. Dogs communicate to us with their voices, and body. Without the ability to bark, dogs can no longer communicate with humans or other animals. If your pooch barks too much, there is probably an underlying issue, and one you have not perhaps tried to solve without surgery. Sometimes it's a behavior issue and addressing it with the proper attitude and training can change it. And some dogs are naturally very vocal, but they should be taught when it is or isn't proper to bark. You wouldn't dream of removing your child's vocal cords because he or she talks too much would you?

The way I see some things is this, and here are some observations and ideas:

In the case of kitty clawing too much or you get scratched too much. Quit playing with kitty with your hands! Always play with a toy with kitty. Don't tease kitty or make him feel threatened, by pretending your hand is the bogey monster, this encourages the defense mechanism and will ensure you get scratched. If kitty is inclined to scratch your furniture or rugs, buy simple sisal or sea grass rope wrapped scratching posts, put them throughout your living space, in the main areas of furniture or the rooms they are bent on getting at furniture or rugs. For some reason, I have not been able to discern yet, cats seem to prefer using the rope wrapped posts or a condo with a couple rope wrapped posts on them to conventional rug wrapped items. They also like cardboard or plain rough wood. I think perhaps it is something more natural feeling to them. Mine go to their rope wrapped posts over anything else every time. And upon installing them through the house they have ceased their destructions of the furniture. And to attract them to the posts or item you install for them to sharpen claws on, you can make a strong tea of catnip and using a ordinary household sprayer, spray the tea on their items to attract them. And remember that you will want at least one or two items they can climb and perch upon. Even if it's a climbing post to a windowsill they can sit on and sun themselves. You'll have a much happier cat.

If you are thinking about cropping or docking for your dog, think again. Are you working him? Is there truly a valid reason to do this? Most dogs are pets, and not shown, so why do it? You and your pup will be ever so much happier that you didn't do it. If it isn't a safety or health reason, don't do it.

Debarking..... Sorry, all the way around this is just wrong and cruel. Take behavior classes, socialize with your pooch, go to training sessions or see a professional trainer. Perhaps as a last resort try an antibarking device. But don't deprive your four-footed child of his voice. You most certainly wouldn't do it to your two-footed child.

Anyhow, my point is, it's simply wrong to amputate or alter body parts to suit a "look" or your convenience. Take the time to work with your pet, after all, you chose to be responsible to care for him or her for their lives, they aren't there as your status symbol or to keep up with the Jonses, they are your companion for their lives and you assume responsibility for their well being, health and care for their lives. You don't mutilate your family to suit your "ideals" of image or fashion, so don't do it to your furry family members please.

Life with a kitten

It's been awhile since I have had a kitten in the house. I have forgotten just how much joy, smiles, and laughter they can bring. And just how fearless they are when they realize their territory, or what they consider their jungle, you call your house, is.

Miss Jasmine has certainly come out of her shell, is no longer afraid and has very much claimed all the house and plants as hers. Not to mention she has become a toy fiend. She simply loves toys and loves to play. She has also bonded with me very well, and has attuned herself to me. She seems to know the minute I am feeling sad or when grief hits when I am missing Djinn.

However, I am not overly sure that my poor houseplants will survive this little terror attacking them or playing hide and attack from their pots. It seems nothing is safe nor sacred with her. And a water squirt bottle only deters her while you are in the room. I came down this morning to one overturned larger plant that she obviously tried to climb, then had to dig some of the dirt out and scatter all the area rugs. Thank heavens for tile floors. She also has my husband firmly wrapped around her little tail. He's bought her several toys and most times seems he'd rather watch her play than watch his show on TV.

This little gal has some fun and new traits that are coming out (think Imp in a kitty suit). She simply loves it when hubby is playing Starcraft II on his computer, she is fascinated with it, and insists on checking out everything on the monitor, which while it frustrates him, makes him laugh at the same time. She likes watching the computers when she can, and loves to watch TV if there is enough action on it. She loves to talk to me vocally, and with her eyes. She is a purring machine and the moment she scoots up onto my chest where ever I am at, she's purring furiously and giving me the "I Loooove you sooooo much" look. She runs around when she is full of piss and vinegar like a little monkey and is all over everything. She simply loves to torment Yummy as much as possible, and he is so tolerant, but when he's had enough, he'll grab her in a bear hug, hold her down and wash her till she screams. Mr. Mom he is. She also is not friends with the dogs yet, and plays the hunter stalking prey every time they are let out in the main part of the house. She talks loudly when it's supper time, attacks poor unsuspecting toes from under the bed (they may never be the same again), stretches out to seemingly be the longest kitten in history on the bed at night, and certainly tells you in no uncertain terms if you have offended her in some way. Last night she wanted to be lovey while I was chatting with my friend on my phone via text. I happen to have a phone charm of the Cheshire Cat on my phone and its dangling there was too much temptation. I think received enough pokey holes in my fingers trying to type while being attacked, to qualify for acupuncture. She is also the most lovey and cuddly little thing when she wants her loving and wants to give her love. She loves to rub on my face and have me kiss her. Seems in my arms on my chest is her secure place, no lap for her, no siree, and usually while I am busy doing something with my hands, like type or crochet or some other silly thing. Thank heavens she hasn't figured out how to knock stuff off of the bathroom counter yet!

This past Saturday I finally was able to get her to my vet for her overall check and rabies shot. She enchanted everyone and was so good and well behaved, almost thought I'd brought the wrong cat in, but it was all good because she interacted with everyone. Even wanted to play with the vet's light for the otoscope when he checked it on the table. It was great to make him smile too. She is about the age we thought she was, the shelter had way over estimated her age and weight when we adopted her. Currently she's about 4 months now and is 4 lbs. And she received a very clean bill of health. It was also nice to take a healthy active kitten in for once instead of a pet going through end of life situations. And for once having been a feral stray kitten, this was a beautiful transformation to behold.

She has brought many smiles to the house again. I have certainly missed having a kitten in the house. And I am so glad she picked me. Truly they do pick us to share their lives with us. We just need to be receptive for them. She has helped me through my grief and loss so very much, and you can see her doing her best to keep me from being sad anymore.

Missing Him and Welcoming Her.....

Well, Friday was an emotional roller coaster day. We took Djinn in for that awful decision we almost all have to make for our fur kids when it's time to help them pass over without pain. I wish we could be that compassionate for each other. His passing was probably the hardest one I have ever been present for. He purred the entire time until he was gone. Even the vet had tears because he had greeted him with a headbutt. It was so very hard.

I miss him terribly and going to sleep has been especially hard  without his presence on my pillow and his purrs. And my heart aches for that emptiness. I really loved him so very much, as I have all my soul mates that have chosen to share their love and soul with me. Djinn, you are missed greatly, I am sad and glad to have been able to help you pass without pain and with dignity and grace, I love you dearly little man.

After our heartbreaking morning we got the call that our new chairs had arrived at the warehouse in Albuquerque, hubby felt this might be a good thing for us to get out of the house for awhile. Well..... one thing led to another.

While he was loading the chairs in the trailer, I remembered an article link that a friend had posted on Facebook about the Albquerque Animal Welfare (Shelter etc.) had received 61 cats earlier in the week, and I had shared the link with my husband. And although we weren't going to bring a new soul home before Djinn's passing, I intuitively felt I should go see anyway. So I looked up the address links that were also provided to me, and Google mapped them. The main one was not overly far from where we were on the westside of town. So when he got back into the vehicle I asked if we could go see. He said ok.

So, off we went. We went into the young cats cattery there. I figured that we should look at a younger cat, at least less than a year. This was primarily because of how non-aggressive Yummy is to kittens, especially females. However, I went in there looking for males because pretty much all of my other soul mates have been male. I've never had a female kitty pick me or bond with me before.

I found two males in a corner area of the kennel, one was around 2 years and lovely markings, however when I put my hand up to him and the door, he pretty much ignored me. So I looked at his neighbor, a young black and white male kitten around 6 months in age. He was more willing to have attention paid to him, but neither of them really paid attention until my husband came over closer. When he got closer, they became very animated and clamored for attention. I asked the staff if I could hold the younger male first. Well, he really didn't want to be held and I could feel that there wasn't a connection with him so I let him back into his kennel. The older male was fine, but there was no connection there either. So, I proceeded around the kennels. Nothing really caught my eye until I came to one with a tiny silver tabby female cowering in the corner hissing at everyone.

We asked the female staff person in there about her. She said that she had been a stray but was getting more social. She usually hissed at everyone thought it was more bluff than feralness. She also noted to us that she was only able to get her to purr once. About that time a male staffer changed places with the woman. I asked to hold the little thing they were calling Dora. Well she hissed at him a little, but not me and I immediately started doing some tTouch and reiki with her. She snuggled into my arms and took to the touch like a duck to water. I was near tears at this point. And about then she moved around to tuck her head under my chin and neck and started purring to the astonishment of all staff. It really was all I could do to hold the tears back. And she purred a bit harder. Then something wonderful opened up, the connection and her name came through to me, and I was certain of it, Jasmine. A sweet name for a beautiful little kitten.

We asked the staff if I could take her home that day. He noted she had not been spayed yet or had her rabies vaccination and he gave me her kennel number and went off to ask the vet if we could take her and have our vet spay her at home. He came right back and said that if I really wanted her, they could spay her right then. So we said ok. However, she did not want to unattach herself from me and go with the gentleman for her spay. He headed out the door with her and we went back to the front offices to fill out paperwork and pay her adoption fees.

Getting all that done, we were told to come back around 4pm to pick her up and that she was still too young to have her rabies vaccination so we would have to have our veterinarian give her that when it was time and mail them a copy of the certificate.

Off we went for some lunch until we went back to pick her up. When we got back to pick her up, we happened to sit next to another woman and her son. She saw the picture on the paperwork in my hand and made a comment about how they had looked at her and she hissed and cowered from them and that she would need an awful lot of work to socialize and tame her. My husband calmly replied that we hadn't found that to be true at all. 

When it came our turn the vet assistant mentioned that she was just going to put her in the carry box as she wasn't very awake yet. So we signed our receipts, and took our little girl out the door. It was then that my husband noted that we should probably make sure we had the correct animal in the box. So I very gently opened one end and looked in. She looked up at me with fear in her little eyes until she recognized me and you could see the visible relief in her eyes.

Of course there is an adjustment period to acquaint her with the other pets and our household. However the first night for me was very painful. I sharply felt Djinn's loss on my pillow and his purrs that enabled me to sleep. I cried, and cried myself to sleep. It had been a long emotional day and I was running on less than 3 hours of sleep. Poor Yummy, bless his little heart. He must not have slept at all that night, he was going to check on her constantly in her kennel for the night and if I stirred or woke up he was cuddling me purring. Needless to say he spent most of yesterday racked out. He wants so badly to mother Jasmine, and she's not really sure about him yet, so she growls and hisses at him. And he is so patient and gentle around her. He also talks to her a lot, and is never far from her.

Last night we had her in the TV room with us and watched her learn to play with the cat toys for the first time in her life. We were both pretty much grinning stupidly I fear. This morning however, I picked her up and she cuddled with me and purred and slept in my arms for the better part of close to 3 hours. Hard to type one handed. Several times she'd stir and look up at me and touch noses. At one point she actually mewled at me, and it was such a tiny little sound, I was amazed. And it melted my heart into this big puddle of goo. Ah yup, my sister in-law was right, wasn't going to be any time at all that she would have me wrapped around her little paw.

It's been a up and down day I'll have to say. And holding her helps me with the pain of Djinn's absence. We'll see how it all goes. But for now she's safe and has a warm home with all the food she might want.

Waiting to say goodbye today

This week has been especially tough for us, and actually the last two weeks haven't been easy at all. I have had such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that cancer can grow and spread so very fast. I really did my best to keep hope that it wouldn't be so fast. And watching as it takes over my little guy's body is so very heartbreaking. Such an awful disease for anyone or any animal. I don't think anyone or any furbaby deserves it, so not fair.

Right now it's just after 4am, and I have been awake probably since around 1:30 or so. I can't sleep, it's time today, time to give him that ultimate gift of compassion and allow him to pass with grace, dignity and no more pain. And actually knowing this is tearing me up.

Someone I know made a remark to me yesterday about how it was best to "put him out of his misery". I have found that I really dislike that term. To me that term has always meant that you can't stand to see them "suffer" or that their condition makes you uncomfortable and you are putting them out of your misery. It's an awful term in my humble opinion. Misery to me means unhappiness, in a situation that seems hopeless, abuse, but not dying or in constant pain. I tried to explain to this person what it meant to me, and how just because an animal may develop a disability and it may be uncomfortable for you to watch them adapt or your perception of that disability is in a low place that you perceive they are in misery.

Actually many times they aren't. Animals are so much more adaptable in overcoming disabilities than we are. And it's their ability to adapt and overcome them that makes them so amazing and strong.

I noted to this person that knowing when to let them go is a harder and vastly different thing. She asked me what would you look for. I had to shake my head at that one because if you are truly in tune with your pet or animal companion, you would know when, they tell you when it's their time to be let go and when they need help letting go. This and knowing how to judge when they truly are suffering, in pain, and their quality of life is no longer there. They give us so very much that it's our responsibility to give them the loving and care all the way through their lives that we can.

All this is part in parcel of knowing when, and last night Djinn couldn't have told me any louder. This awful disease is progressing so much faster that I could have thought. This little guy has so much love in him it's incredible. He started his life somewhere, and someone did not want him by the time he was 6 months old and he ended up in our local shelter. He was slated for euthanasia when my dad found him for me. Needless to say, we've never regretted that decision 13 yrs later. He's been an amazing personality and always communicated through his eyes. And he is my reason for being so addicted to purring. And throughout all of this with the cancer and everything, he is still purring. I have only to hold him or pet him with love and he purrs. I think it's this strength that he has that even though he really is suffering now and in pain, that he continues to give of himself that makes this so very hard. And however much I don't want to lose that love and companionship, I know I need to do what is right by him. I cannot really let him suffer at all anymore. When you are truly in tune and aware of your pets and companions, you do truly know when, and they really do tell you it's time.

I have to admit though that it is so hard, and I am so sad and mad about having to make that trip and tell the vet yet again. And come home empty handed. My home and my heart will feel so empty for some time, and even knowing that you did all you could and gave them the best love and care you could through their life is not really much comfort. But knowing you could give them the ultimate gift of compassion is some comfort.

Cats and bonds

First off let me preface this by saying that this particular post is my own observations, feelings and experiences. They are facts to me and how I perceive my experiences through the years with cats. That being said now, I will proceed to ramble on here.

There have always been cats in my life even from the time I was born, my parents had a cat or two. Currently I have just two of my kitties left with me, the others having passed on over the years. The most I've had in my house at one time is 6. I have cherished each and every little furry soul that has shared their lives with me, and I've always had at least one as my soul mate. One who was bonded very close to me. I've always considered myself a cat person.
(Djinn)

I've found that people who truly understand cats and have a true bond with them are probably the most creative and forgive the easiest. This is not to say that dog people don't know how to forgive or aren't creative, but cats are definitely draw to very creative people. I have found this to be true for me as any time I am working creatively either on the loom, or drawing, or such, they are all always there, curled up around me and on or around my work. People who don't understand this bond or don't understand cats are usually uncomfortable around them. It's sad really. Cats are survivors, they are hunters with amazing stealth, grace and speed, they are lovers, they are healers, they can be unselfish, and they are comfort providers. They also give without asking for much and don't require as much from us for their care usually as dogs do. They can be self-sufficient when the need arises. I have also learned about true compassion from the cats in my life. They have taught me a lot over the years.

Back in early October, one of my two remaining boys, Djinn (my kitty soul mate at this time), came down ill with what seemed an upper respiratory infection. In fact upon taking him to the vet, this was the initial diagnosis. He also had what seemed to be an infection in the mouth, which is not unusual with a upper respiratory infection. But we opted to wait till he got over the sinus infection before taking care of teeth because he was so sick. We were loaded up on two very strong antibiotics and some nasal drops. None of these gave much relief or seemed to help any. So we tried a second course of antibiotics of a different type, they seemed to help a bit more but not much. Again, I consulted with another vet in the clinic and took him in. Because he really hadn't had much improvement the vet suspected a tumor or cancer in the sinuses, Djinn felt comfortable with this vet, and purred for him throughout it all. So we were to return in about 3 days to have the vet take x-rays, flush the sinuses and take care of the teeth in case there was just an abscess in the teeth that could be causing things.

Well, the diagnosis was cancer, nasal lymphoma to be exact. I was devastated and heartbroken. The vet said it really wasn't operable, and chemo is very hard on cats and we certainly could not afford chemo with an out of town vet. So his next suggestion was steroids to help shrink the tumor and perhaps give him more time which could be anywhere from a month to 2 yrs at the longest. He was also put back on antibiotics to counter secondary infections after the teeth had been extracted. This all happened Thanksgiving week.

We were determined to give him whatever he wanted and however much he wanted to eat as he needed to put weight back on. I also spent as much time with him, loving him and giving him healing as I could.

Thanksgiving day I was pretty much preoccupied getting my house and food ready for the afternoon as family was coming for supper. It wasn't until my husband was out running errands and I went upstairs to clean up for the afternoon that while I was getting ready for my shower I noticed that Djinn had run up the stairs after me and that for the first time he wasn't wheezing or struggling to get a breath. I was so shocked I literally fell onto the bench at the end of our bed and sat there crying with thanks. He of course looked at me like I had lost it. But I was so thankful as it meant the steroids were shrinking the tumor and this would give us more time together. He even came downstairs not long after my family arrived to greet my father, (usually he avoids lots of people and the two nephews because they are too active for him). My dad was so touched by his gesture. It was the best Thanksgiving gift I could have ever hoped for.

Over the next month I watched him get more active and put on weight and play. I really was so thankful. However, I guess it was not to last, two days before Christmas I discovered a double lump in the lymph gland under his right jaw. My heart fell to my feet. My intuition told me that he wasn't to be with me a whole lot longer. Monday after Christmas he started wheezing and having trouble breathing again. I knew the tumor had grown again and was metastasizing into the lymph system, and things were happening rapidly. I talked to the vet this week about this, and he agreed with my assessment of what was happening. For now we agreed to up his dosage of steroids to afford him a bit more time, but it's still a waiting game, we know we'll have to make that very hard decision to give him the ultimate act of compassion when he says it's time or when his quality of life is no longer there.

I am very heartsick, and am scared at the same time. You see, I have always, always had a animal soul mate, cat or dog, usually male, in my life, and usually when one passes on, there has been another already here to take up the reins of being my companion and protector of my soul. What scares me is that there is not another furry kid waiting in the wings to share life with me. While I have another cat, and two little female dogs left here, they are all pretty much bonded with my husband. Yummy, the cat, he loves us both, but he owns my husband. Djinn knows he hasn't got much time left with me, and he knows my heart is breaking, I guess he's known for some time now. Since the tumor has grown back he's pretty much inseparable from me, he follows me everywhere and sleeps on my pillow every night. He craves the healing and tTouch as they help him some to breathe easier, but he can't put his head down fully to sleep because the sinuses block up. He will put his chin on my hand  to sleep as he can so his head is raised a touch.

Throughout all this, he has been quick to love, to purr and to cuddle. He's always purred and even if he's struggling to breathe, the minute you love on him, or direct energy, he purrs. He also throughout his life has communicated to me with his eyes. He loves to look us in the eyes and you really can see the communication of love from him. I think this is why my father was so drawn to him when he adopted him from the Animal Shelter for me over 13 yrs ago. This is one example of what I mean about how unselfish and selfless they can be. Despite his being gravely ill, he continues to give love and comfort to those he cares for.

So, for now I will continue to spoil him rotten, wipe his little nose, feed him whatever or whenever he wants, cuddle him, and give him all the love and healing I can. I will cherish the time I have with him. And learn the lessons he and life are handing me. And I will know that the next one will step in when it is the right time.