Animals Grieve Too!

First off, let me tell you that anyone, and I mean ANYONE who tells you that animals don't feel or don't grieve, has their heads in the sand! BS, animals grieve the loss of a companion and partner. They grieve like we do. And they CAN die of a broken heart from their grief.

There are numerous articles out there that actually document animals grieving over the loss of another. 

I have witnessed it from my own animals over the years, whether it be cats and dogs, to the horses and even cattle. Probably the most heart wrenching one my husband and I have witnessed from our pets was about 2 years ago. I had at that time 4 chihuahuas, one male whom I've written some about here in the blog, Lil'Shit, and 4 females. The matriarch female, ChiChi suddenly at age 12 started having seizures. She and Lil'Shit were always the absolute closest pair. While at the vet's we found a significant murmur in her heart and the xray showed a very enlarged heart. So we worked on the heart issue first before handling the seizures, within a week's time, she went into respiratory distress and upon ultrasound it was found that a valve in her heart had completely failed. There is no fix for this. We had to make the decision to let her go. It was simply awful and the hardest one especially as it had been two months to the day that I had lost a kitty with cushings, pancreatic cancer and diabetes. Not a good year. 

The point though, is when we walked through the door coming home, Lil'Shit knew immediately she wasn't coming home. His entire body language immediately reflected this knowledge. He went silently into her kennel, burrowed under her blanket and did not come out for the better part of 24 hours. He didn't come out to eat, drink or eliminate. The other two girls howled off and one for the night. Thumbelina seemed especially lost as it was her mamma. Even the cats were subdued and stayed together with the dogs. It broke our hearts all over again.

Tuesday night they knew when I put Mushy into the carrier that he wasn't coming home again, they all had to come say goodbye to him. When I got home, Lil'Shit and Djinn needed cuddling with me. It hasn't been easy for me either. There isn't much I do lately without remembering something Mushy would do to make me smile, make me feel loved, or teach me another lesson in patience. I really, really miss him.

The one think I have learned though to help our remaining pets through their grief is a LOT of extra TLC, patience and compassion. And I have been fortunate that there were other animals around to provide support to each other. That and keeping routine helps them adjust and feel safe that not everything has fallen apart. It also helps me to focus. And the Tellington Ttouch has helped me and them alot to heal the grief and bond. 

So anyone who tells you animals don't feel or grieve or have the capacity for emotion, tell them they are full of hooey and blind. Anyone who spends time with animals knows better. 

Saying Goodbye.....

How do you say goodbye gracefully to a very beloved pet companion of 18+ years? How do you make the hardest decision of all and do it with the utmost love and compassion?

Yesterday evening I had to do just that for my very loved boy, Mushy. He had become ill over the last week, and even with  vet visits and such, he stopped eating and drinking. And he told me it was time. He couldn't have said it any louder either. Knowing the decision I had to make and the fact he was asking me to let him go didn't make it any easier. I knew I couldn't be selfish, for he had taught me so much about unconditional love and compassion that selfishness wouldn't fit into the picture here. I certainly wasn't ready to let him go, but I needed to for him. 

I have written previously a bit about my bond with him. You see he found me when he needed care and resucing at 4 weeks of age. and for 18 years I have cared for him to the absolute best of my abilities. He returned the love and care by truly watching over me, keeping me alive, and healing me when I needed it most. Our bond grew ever so much stronger over the last couple of years when I learned to communicate with him at a so much deeper level with the Tellington Ttouch. Mushy was my soul companion on so many levels. By giving him the ultimate act of compassion when he asked it of me, gave him release with grace and dignity. 

It will take time to grieve, and adjust to being without his tangible presence around me. And I need to remember to let the other animals in to grieve with me, and love me, that they need my love too right now. We can help each other heal. Lil'Shit was the first to know when I got back home, and he couldn't get close enough to me. I realized I am so truly blessed to have shared such a bond with Mushy, and that I have all these other loving beautiful little souls with me. I am also so very blessed to have the family and friends in my life at this time. 

I know he's out of pain and waiting at the rainbow bridge for me one day with my other beloved pets who have gone ahead. 

I am posting a poem that says so very much from a beautiful lady whom I've had to privilege to know online, and hope one day I can meet her in person to tell her how healing her words have been for me in past and now. 

Thank you Mushy for being so much a part of my life!

 

 

A Kitty’s Conversation

© 2004 By Carol Notermann

 

“Where’s Mommy?”   The wee small cat, asked the One who lifted it.

“She’ll be along.” His voice replied.  “We’ll only wait a bit.”

 

“But she was holding me and crying.  I felt her shoulders shake.”

“I know. You see, she made a choice, the hardest she could make.”

 

“But I went to sleep inside her arms?” the little cat replied.

His voice was soft, “I know, and that was why she cried.”

 

“I stood beside your Mommy, when the vet was bending down.

I gave her strength to hold you, as her tears fell all around”

 

“Will you stay with me till Mommy comes?” the kitty asked the Man.

“I’ll be here each day to see you, until she comes to you again.”

 

“For right beside that Rainbow Bridge, is where dogs and kitties wait,

And when you’re human’s time has come, I’ll take you both on through the gate.”

 

Dear Mom,

 

I’m just about to take a nap, for I’ve been running free.

I was chasing butterflies, and one small bumble bee.

I’ve rolled around in catnip, I’ve climbed high in a tree

And now I’ll rest all cuddled up with others just like me.

 

I’m in a truly lovely place, it’s right by Heaven’s gate.

I’m not alone, and I am told this is the place to wait.

I’ve told everyone about you, they said you won’t be late.

That though on earth long years will pass, I’ll meet you by the gate.

 

There’s a bridge we’ll cross together, it has a rainbow hue

And really it’s so pretty here, that all I miss is you.

So please don’t think about the things you did or didn’t do

It was my time to find the bridge, so please do not feel blue.

 

I’m sorry that I left so fast, with just a kiss good-bye.

But I’ve enclosed a “head butt” and a slow blink of my eye.

Take care of all my family and tell them that I’ll try

To be the one that greets them first, when they come, by and by.

 

Love and thanks for being such a good mom,

 

Your “Sweet” Kitty

 

© by Carol Notermann

 

 

 

Meeting Max and Nita

This post is a followup on the one I posted earlier about my friend and dealing with grief and soul companions.

This morning I took time on my way to work to stop by and visit with my wonderful friend Claudia and meet Max the little guy to help heal her heart. I also finally got to meet Nita their other Sato dog.  It was early yet, but I know they are always in early to start work, and the dogs are always at work with them.

I first met her husband outside and asked him to let her know I was here to say hi. Needless to say I was very very warmly welcomed with a huge hug and 2 very excited doggies to meet someone new. It was so wonderful to see her smiling again, and the shadows gone from her eyes.

Max is a doll, and both dogs greeted me enthusiastically. I do believe though that sitting down on the couch was the invitation to them to see if they could be lap doggies, sniff me all over and cover me in wonderful sloppy wet doggie kisses. Poor Claudia, I think she was a tad embarrassed that Nita is very very friendly and has excellent aim, meaning the minute you open your mouth to speak, if Nita is withing striking distance, she'll getcha in the mouth with her tongue. I should say blech, but being around animals all my life, somehow you don't really think blech or think twice about being french kissed by a pooch! It happens, and I think the doggies love it. I think they like our reactions best, and it's play for them. Of course they had to sniff me all over get the smells from all my pets, rub on me to share their smell for my bunch, and kept giving lots and lots of lovely doggie kisses. I finally had to stand up so I could talk without defending my mouth from Nita's tongue. Don't get me wrong, I loved the two pups, however it's hard to visit with your friend with such distractions. LOL

As Claudia and I visited and talked for a bit, at one point I made the mistake of standing too close to the couch again. It was close enough for Nita to be on and give me my Christmas goose early. She got me about 3 times before I realized I'd been goosed, still not awake I guess. Ok, so I probably turned a bit red in the face when I realized it. Dogs think nothing about sniffing and goosing each other, but we just don't quite communicate that way. I think Claudia was almost as red as I was when she asked if I was ok, and I told her Nita had goosed me.

Anyhow, it made my morning to see my friend smiling again, laughing, and enjoying the antics and play of the two dogs who took to each other like they were meant to be together. And the doggie kisses were great.

Thank you Claudia for being my friend, and for allowing me to meet your two wonderful pups!

Here's a pic of the two.

A bit more on forever homes and healing from loss

Recently a friend whom I am very privileged to know, who is an amazing, compassionate, passionate about animals, and beautiful lady lost her little soul mate. This pup had a rough life from the beginning starting out life on the streets in Puerto Rico as a Sato, or street dog. This little dog chose her when she and her husband were there on their honeymoon several years ago. She was so moved by this little dog that when she returned home, she found a way to bring him to her here in New Mexico. Is it any wonder they named him Rico? This little dog was the first of two to be rescued from the streets of Puerto Rico for her and her husband. The bond was amazingly very strong between them all. Their dogs touched many hearts and made many smiles for us all, as they went everywhere with them.

About 2 weeks ago now, he left them suddenly from complications of illness. Leaving them very bereft and inconsolable. It has been as hard on those of us also who love her as our friend and knew this little dog. I wished so much that I could make their burden easier for them, knowing I couldn't, it was hard. However, I did encourage her to keep her heart open to another perhaps that was waiting to fill the space and who needed them.

To my surprise I received this beautiful email from her last night and with her permission wished to share it with you.

Life is so strange sometimes....

 

Yesterday around lunch time, I sent off an email to my friend Mary, also known as Mary Martin, Santa Fe Animal Shelter Director. I asked her what her opinion was of adopting another dog after the loss of such a love as my heartdog Rico. I told her I was deeply depressed and unsure how to pull myself out of this. I also told her I had been scanning over the "Adoptable Dogs" on their web site and my mouse kept clicking and returning to this little brown dog named Butternut.

 

I didn't get any answer. The day went by...Thursday, usually my very favorite day because by the time 530 PM rolls around I've put 50 hours under my belt and I get to go home for 3 days...but yesterday, the weekend ahead loomed over me like a big black hole in the universe, ready to swallow me up...all I wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed and cry.

 

Then, at 230 PM, Mary walked into our business, with this little brown dog in her arms, Butternut from the SF Animal Shelter web site, plopped him down in my lap and said something to the effect of....You know, this little fellow needs arms to hold him, someone to love him...you can tell me RIGHT NOW to get the heck out of here, or you can keep him and bring him back to the shelter tomorrow morning, or you can bring him back Sunday, or you can keep him forever...you are under NO obligation here...and she left. The dog snuggled under my chin and fell asleep in my arms.....

 

 

Do I need to tell you the rest of the story?

 

Today, at 230 PM, I was at the shelter officially adopting this little adorable treasure. We named him Max. He is approximately 7-8 months old and was picked up as an unneutered  stray by animal control on August 12. He was neutered and microchipped while at the shelter.  (Stephen would have been there with me to do the official adoption papers but he is in bed with a bad cold, alas the pictures of him with Max in bed)

 

Last night, for the FIRST night since Rico died, I slept a few solid hours with Max tucked under my chin sighing contentedly. The pain constricting my chest has lifted and I am able to breathe again.

 

Does he replace Rico? NO! Rico is my heartdog, nothing will EVER change that. Does having Max make me feel again? YES! Do I still cry for Rico? YES!

 

Max is a TOTAL people/lap dog. All he wants to do is be held and snuggle, he is absolutely PRECIOUS. The bonus is that he and Nita hit it off immediately and they play together all the time! Nita had been so depressed since Rico's death.

 

I think you can see by the pictures that Stephen is smitten as well. And yes, I look like hell, the last 12 days have been horrible on me.

 

This afternoon, while we were at home watching Max and Nita play, Mary Martin called me to tell us that the Rico Fund had raised "several THOUSAND dollars"....Stephen and I just sat here and CRIED. What a wonderful legacy for Rico and a wonderful testament to all the friends we have here. We will be forever grateful for everyone's support after Rico's death.

 

Go ahead, write back and tell me I am crazy! But wait till you meet Max! Even though he may look a bit like Rico, he is nothing like Rico at all, very different personality. And those LONG legs and floppy ears!

Upon reading this, I truly did cry for her from joy, joy that this little dog found his forever home, and joy that he was there to help ease the pain of loss.

Here is a picture of the little guy, I think he looks tuckered out from all the excitement! :)

More on coping with pet loss

Many of us consider our pets and animal companions to be family. They share joy, compassion, unconditional love with us and brighten our lives.

Considering this bond we have with them, it is only natural that grieve when they leave us. When we experience this loss and deep grief we often feel alone in our grief and that others do not understand.

Most people are uncomfortable around grief and loss. And often our grief comes with the addition of hurt when people minimize or discount our feelings with comments of “it’s only an animal”, or other unthinking comments.

Losing your pet to reasons other than age, perhaps the difficult decision to euthanize, a loss through disappearance, violent and sudden deaths from injury, and sudden illness will complicate your grief.

Understand that grieving is ok, it’s natural. It’s a progress that will have its ups and downs. Allow your emotions to happen and move through the changes.

I found a site through a post from a friend for tips on coping, http://www.pet-loss.net/index.shtml  the article was written by by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

• Why you feel the way you do


• Why it isn't "crazy" to grieve for a beloved pet


• How to cope with the pain you're feeling


• How to help your children deal with the loss


• What to do when other pets miss their companion


• When, how and why to make the decision of euthanasia


• What to do with a pet's remains


• When to consider getting a new pet (with tips on what to do and what to avoid)


• How to improve your chances of recovering a lost or stolen pet


• How to protect your pets during an emergency or disaster


• How to help a friend cope with loss

 Some ways to help you through your grief, I know these certainly helped me. Share your emotions, feelings, and memories, talk to friends, and seek out a grief counselor and to talk with.

Know that while it is extremely painful now, the pain does lessen.

Take some time to create something for yourself of a good memory, a poem, a picture, something to honor their time with you.

Make a list of the gifts they shared with you or gave you. Know that the best gifts they gave to you are compassion, love and joy. Remember with joy those lessons, and try to incorporate them into your daily routine to share with other animals or people. This can actually be very cathartic. I took the time to learn the Tellington Ttouch, so that I could be closer and communicate better with all animals. It was my way of sharing the gift of love and healing they gave me. The results of sharing it have been so amazing and wonderful. 

Remember that many people try to give you ideas on how to cope with the loss. They might not always say the right or tactful thing, but they mean well.

And don't withdraw, there are others who need you too. If any emotion rules supreme when a pet dies, it is guilt. No matter what the circumstances of our loss, guilt is there, grabbing us by the throat. It haunts our days, ruins our sleep, and tarnishes our memories. Often, guilt goes beyond the loss itself; we may start to feel guilty for just about everything.

Don't let guilt keep you locked in a lifetime of misery. Choose to forgive, to love, and to move forward. The world needs you! Remember their gifts to you!

Pet loss and grief

I have a friend who is grieving terribly over the recent unexpected loss of her beloved dog. And her grief has me wishing to write a bit on grief at the loss of a companion.

It is never ever easy to let our cherished companions go before what we feel is their "time". We know when we accept them to share our lives with us, that they are really only with us a short time, and yet they leave an indelible mark on our lives and hearts. And while we all do our best in caring for them, loving them, sharing our souls and lives with them, the hardest part is also the most compassionate part sometimes.

Not all of our pets are able to pass from us gracefully from old age, some need our help to pass gracefully. And truly the most compassionate thing we can do, is our final act of loving them, and allowing them to pass without pain, without suffering and without fear. I have had too many little souls share my life that I have had to help them pass, it is never the easy choice but is the hard one and the right one to make. And believe me, we all feel when we do make that choice that perhaps there is something we could have done to make it different, we all almost always end up blaming ourselves or feeling guilty that we could have noticed sooner, etc. Sometimes the whole thing just happens way too fast to be prepared or even accept that it is happening.

After my last heartbreaking loss, I pray daily that I get another day to love and cherish those who still share my life. And I have to stop sometimes and realize they are all headed into their geratric years, with two in their twilight years. And those in their twilight years, can develop some interesting new habits or compulsive habits. Sometimes these new habits can be annoying, but then I have to stop and think about how little precious time I may actually have with them, and put up with it or adapt. I also finally realized that some of these habits are a form of senility, and sometimes fear, and that these obsessive habits are a form of a security blanket for them because they don't understand what is happening. Usually they will very rarely allow us out of their sight anymore, as being close is a comfort to them and they need to feel our touch or the vibrations from our speaking to them for comfort.

So I try my best, I love my furkids, I try to spoil them a bit, I work to keep their routine so there is comfort for them in it, and I watch and learn from them every day they are with me. I revel in the beauty they have brought my life, and the compassion they teach me daily, reminding me to keep loving unconditionally. And I cherish those gifts. And I cry for every friend who loses their beloved companion before "their time", because I truly can relate to their feelings of loss and wish I could help them with their pain. But knowing the best thing I can do for them is to be there for them, just listen, and let them talk, cry or be angry.