This has been a tough time, and getting ones feelings down on paper as it were is not easy. Although writing is cathartic and helps you deal with the emotions and grief.
Yesterday I finally received Brody's ashes. This is not an easy thing to really deal with, but the thought in my mind and heart was that he would finally be home again with me.
Let me digress a little about things and him. As in my heart he was a very special dog in my life and an amzing little soul.
This little dog started life in a puppy mill. A mill is an absolutely horrific way to start a life. And in my thinking, no soul should have to live in a cage you can barely turn around in or live in cleanly. He had no chance to be a happy playful pup as he should have been, no chance to experience love or the wonder of life. That came after he was two and rescued by the amazing folks with National Mill Dog Rescue.
When I met him, he was terrified of just about everything. People, the wind, banging noises, you name it. Although i knew in my heart he was to be my heart mate before i even met him in person, just by seeing his picture online. I think I was probably the happiest person and so excited when they approved my application and I was able to drive to Colorado to meet him and bring him home. When I did finally meet him, that feeling that he was meant to be a part of my heart was firmly cemented. As I loved on him I promised him that day I would never hurt or harm him, always care for him and keep him by my side always. And I did.
I knew it would be a long road to healing his fears and his heart, help him trust and be a happy dog. Although he made great strides in the short time he was a part of me.
You see, as time moved forward, I came to realize that he rescued me and healed my heart as much as I helped him. He and Abby were my daily inspiration to love fully, be kind and happy despite all odds. As I watched him learn to play, scare himself silly the first time he barked, to being such a happy sunny and active boy, I too grew in many ways. As our bond grew more, there was nothing more contenting to know that he was most content within himself when being next to me no matter what I was doing. He even had to be there when I was painting the house or rooms, always getting paint in his fur, or watching me as I cooked or baked, laying next to me as I watched TV or crocheted, and he loved sleeping with me and cuddling close at night. Both dogs have brought so much peace and contentment to my life.
I think one of my favorite memories is watching him learn to go up and down the stairs then joyfully racing up them when playing chase with the kittens. The kittens absolutely loved this game and quite often initiated it. Starting with him chasing them, then they chased him, and they all had the best time. The three of them became very bonded and the best of friends. He was also the only dog that Jasmine accepted and loved in her own way. The night I brought him home, both she and Yummy went straight up to him and sniffed, then rubbed on him then washed his face. Much to his consternation and wonder at who and what they were. It was quite the thing to witness and experience.
From living in a cage the first two years of his life to learning to wag is stumpy little tail, learning to play, talk, experince the grass and ocean, and learning about love. This little man amazed me and cemented himself into my heart with his capacity to love in return.
It has been quite the journey learning with them and trying to experience life as they have new experiences and they joy in discovering them. I truly feel that it has made me a better person, and taught me to be more kind in my every day life.
There are so many memories of little things that live large in me that I know I won't get them all written down. But I do know this, sharing your heart and life with a soul, no matter the species, if you are open enough and willing, will change your life and make it all the more amazing.
I do have to say, that I cannot imagine my life ahead without the Corgi breed in it. The natural disposition and hugeness of their hearts is something I always want in my life. They will go out of their way to make you smile and be happy. Neither Abby nor Brody could stand to see me unhappy in any way, and it wasn't long before they would have me smiling and happy again, no matter what. I have simply been amazed with their resliency and capacity for love and life.
I know there will be another before long to help fill our void and loss. I think perhaps it has been hardest on me watching his companions grieve for him and miss him so very much. He was a vital part of our family. I feel that a Pup would help them heal and fill that void. So we are searching for that one who will need us and choose us to share their heart and soul with.
Please if you truly love animals, and want one in your life, be prepared to give them the best and know that you take that responsibility of their care for their life. They are not to be ignored, discarded because its inconvienent, or just a decoration of status. They are a life, a living and breathing soul with heart and feelings much like us. they do rely on us to ensure they are well cared for, fed and happy and most of all loved. It is so worth it in the end for all they give back to us and teach us. I have learned more about forgiveness, happiness, living in the moment and most of all love and compassion with them all than I could have ever experienced or learned on my own.
In short, he will always hold a very special place in my heart and soul, and I miss him terribly, but I know there is another soul out there waiting to share his or her life with me and perhaps needs me. It seems it has always been this way, and always will be. And despite the fact that quite often there is heartbreaks that will come, the beautiful things learned and shared are so very, very worth it. Knowing you were needed and loved by them makes it worth it.
